Dear Paati, you would be so proud

Paati said that scissors

and girls with hip length hair

should not be in the same room.

She never oiled or plaited our hair

but she didn’t need to because Amma

was the undisputed queen of hair-care.

The vagudu that Amma drew across

our scalps and the plaits she made

reflected the inner equanimity

of a woman who worked 8 hours in an office

but observed all festivals and family traditions.

Paati, our earliest influencer

taught us to stand up for ourselves

she taught us not to knock our steel plates

on our knees – as that sound was reminiscent

of times of mourning

she taught us to draw rice into the centre

of the plate as we’d sit on a stone floor and eat

she taught us that the thick mandi

at the bottom of the rasachombu

would be most delicious with curd rice

she taught us that while life is generous 

and there will be enough for all

we must take only how much we need

she taught us to pick morsels off the ground

before we got up to wash our plates

she taught us (this one, I can say, she tried)

not to listen in when elders were speaking

(the conversations were too juicy and

we had no TV or phones in those times)

she taught us to be polite and speak softly

even while giving it back in a fight

and yes, she taught us (tried to)

that girls with long hair and scissors

cannot be in the same room

and that a woman’s hair is never

ever ever (ever) to be left open.

So when I was in the 7^th grade and

came home from school, hair flowing

down my back, gushing about a class play

her facial muscles froze, she went silent

and simply served us lunch after

we’d changed into home clothes.

No complaints were made to Amma

neither was Amma shamed for my

transgression but grim disapproval

lingered heavily in the evening air.

This is what I think of and smile

every time my hairdresser goes

snipper snapper, snipper snapper

his hands working the scissors in my hair

(oh yes, Paati, my hairdresser is a man

I buy snacks and sweets for whichever

festivals I choose to celebrate

and family traditions are invented

by the day, dear Paati

you would be so proud.)